Fees and Frequently Asked Questions
£120 per hour for couples
£100 per hour for individuals
The first session is for an hour and a half with all subsequent sessions fortnightly for one hour.
I operate a 24hr cancellation Policy.
Is it possible to recover from an affair/infidelity?
Many couples contact me for help following the discovery of an affair or infidelity. This is one of the greatest traumas to face a relationship. If the problems that led to the affair are not properly worked through and addressed it can leave many unresolved resentments and ongoing distrust which will often lead to the complete break down of the relationship.
Working with a relationship counsellor will enable the reasons for the affair to be fully understood. Once this has been established work can begin on permanently resolving these issues so that the affair will not be repeated in the future and trust can be restored. Without restoring trust there will be no solid foundations with which to rebuild the relationship.
All too often I see couples that did not ever fully address the issues surrounding the infidelity or affair. When this happens there is a high chance of repeated infidelity. These couples are then faced with the more difficult task of overcoming a further trauma. My advise is that it is very important to seek professional help following an affair, to make sure all the issues are properly addressed and the relationship is able to move forward in a happy and healthy way.
Can trust in a relationship ever be restored?
Absolutely yes, however it is of upmost importance that the reasons as to why the affair occurred have been fully understood. Both partners must be 100% committed to the process, it is hard work and takes dedication and perseverance and most importantly there must be a real love for each other.
We keep having the same arguments but never reach a resolution, how can we stop this?
Over 50% of couples that come to me for help suffer with this problem. A vicious cycle of bitter arguments that become more and more heated and hurtful. To overcome this problem firstly the underlying reason for the arguments needs to be established and then resolved. Secondly work needs to be done to establish positive communication where both partners feel heard and understood. In order for this to happen there needs to be an environment of love, respect and trust, it is important that both individuals feel the other wants the very best for them and at all times "has their back". This loving environment enables each person to feel free to express themselves without fear of recrimination or aggression. It allows disputes to be fully resolved stopping a build up of deep seated resentment and misunderstandings. My work concentrates on improving communication, learning each other's language and how to get the very best out of your communication as a couple. A couple that has learnt the art of positive communication will be able to withstand and troubles that comes their way. Positive and loving communication is the key to relationship happiness.
I'm not sure if I love my partner any more, can you help?
I believe we all know deep down if we love our partners or not. We all have an inner voice that tells us what feels true to us. Unfortunately often due to fear we do not listen to this inner guide and that is when problems occur. Acknowledging that we no longer love our partner takes courage as it can feel frightening, it makes the future uncertain and generally people shy away from uncertainty, it feels easier to stay with what we know. Relationship counselling is only successful with couples who have a true love for each other. It is hard work and involves a deep commitment and perseverance. When love is missing, it creates an inner turmoil which disrupts the process. We are all driven to love and be loved, but happiness and contentment will never be found within a relationship where love is lacking.
If you feel unsure of your feelings towards your partner seek out a quiet place, somewhere away from daily distractions and noise. Sit quietly and the answer will become clear. Often our lives are so filled with noise and distraction that we never have a moment to listen to what is going on inside ourselves. We keep habitually putting one foot in front of the other even when often it is leading us in the wrong direction. Avoid asking the opinions of others, only you know how you feel towards your partner, give yourself peace and be brave and the answer will become clear.
Does relationship counselling really work?
Yes over 90% of the couples that I see say that their relationship is significantly improved as a result of counselling. The ingredients for success is that couples need to love each other, both be committed to the process, and be prepared to work hard and tackle the changes that inevitably need to take place for the relationship to work.
I am really nervous about our first session, what will it entail?
It is natural to feel apprehension before your first counselling session. But you will find it to be a very relaxed and friendly environment. The first session is about each person having an opportunity to tell the story of their relationship from their perspective. What works within the relationship, what doesn't and how and when the problems first occurred. After this, together we draw up a plan of how best to tackle the problems. Letting go of old negatives patterns of behaviour can be very cathartic, counselling unites a couple, putting them on the same team at last after a long time of feeling like they have been battling against each other. Couples become united in the aim to makes things better.
How many sessions will we need?
This really depends on the nature of your problems. I have helped many couples in as few as 2 sessions, while others have taken as many as 10. Infidelity is usually the problem that takes a little longer to overcome. In 2018 the average number of sessions required for couples to resolve their problems was 5.
My partner suffers from depression/OCD/ anxiety/addiction which is really affecting our relationship and getting me down how can counselling help?
In the first session it is important for me to establish that each individual is emotionally healthy and that there are not any major ongoing conditions that will stop the relationship from moving forward. If underlying conditions are present in the form of anxiety, depression, any form of addiction ( alcohol, drugs, work, video games, social media, pornography), or OCD these will need to be addressed before relationship counselling can commence.
I want to come to counselling but my partner is refusing, can you help?
Both partners have to be committed to the process in order for it to be successful. Often men in particular struggle with the idea of counselling, seeing it as a failing or weakness having to come for help with their relationship. If I had a pound for every individual who wished they had come to counselling years earlier I would be very rich. However if your partner is unwilling to come to counselling but you feel that you would benefit by coming alone, I regularly see individuals whose partners are not ready to attend counselling. The tools can be learnt by the individual and taken back and applied to the relationship.
Is it possible to rekindle a dying sex life?
A lot of the couples I see worry about lack of sexual intimacy within their relationship, with many couples not having connected sexually for many years. It is absolutely expected that a relationship in distress goes hand in hand with a lack of intimacy. Constant arguing comes with feelings of resentment and frustration which is not conducive to sex and romance. Once your relationship is back on track, love and kindness is the breeding ground for a return of sexual desire. Just like with rebuilding communication, restoring intimacy takes patience, love and commitment.
I have low self esteem do you think it is having a negative effect on my relationship?
Low self esteem causes a multitude of issues within a relationship of any sort parent/child, boss/employee, brother/sister, among friends and husband and wife. Having a healthy self esteem is to be able to say, quite comfortably, ' I love and approve of myself, I am enough just as I am'. Low self esteem is rife in modern society, we are constantly comparing ourselves negatively to the people and images we see around us in the media and everyday life. People are constantly striving,..... to be thin enough, pretty enough, rich enough, successful enough. To have the house, the car, the holidays abroad, private school,contentedness lies just around the next corner. However whenever the goal is reached we still don't achieve the feeling we had hoped so we reach for another goal. What needs to be remembered is that happiness and contentedness is not found in anything that is achieved externally, but can only be found by looking inwards and getting comfortable with who we really are. The problems that low self esteem cause within a relationship are numerous. Individuals with low self esteem will often accept behaviour that they are not happy with from their partner. They will feel ' less than' and 'not equal to', which leads to an imbalance in the relationship, which is never healthy. Learning how to look after your own needs is an important part of increasing your levels of self esteem. Healthy Loving relationships can only be found when both partners have solid self-esteem and realise the importance of meeting their own needs first. People often confuse this behaviour with selfishness, but how can you look to support another without first supporting yourself.
Why should we come to you?
I feel very blessed to say I absolutely love what I do, I am 100% committed to helping the couples I work with achieve a happy, loving and fulfilling relationship. My Results speak for themselves, my success rate is over 90% with over 50% of the couples I work with coming from referrals. My approach is one of active counselling, knowing that if you continue to act in the same way you will continue to get the same results. I understand what makes a relationship work, I also understand what causes relationships to breakdown.I have been informed both by my exstensive training and my own life experience with relationships. Over my 12 years of practise I have helped hundreds of couples regain a happy and loving relationship.
I hold Diplomas in Relationship and Couples Counselling, Life Coaching and Careers Guidance. I also regularly attend training courses both in the uk and abroad to keep up to date with any advances in Relationship Counselling tools and processes and to further hone my skills. I am also currently working with the Gottman Institute in America to further advance my skills within this field.
Statistics state that often couples will experience 6 years of distress before they turn to relationship counselling. My hope is that in years to come more people understand the benefit of seeking help at a much earlier stage, and save themselves years of unnecessary distress. Going to a Relationship counsellor does not show failure or weakness. If your car stopped working and you couldn't fix it yourself you wouldn't spend years limping around in a barely functioning car you would go and get the problem resolved. However people limp along for years in unhappy and unfulfilling relationships.
It doesn't matter how successful you are in other areas of your life it is the quality of our relationships that determine our ultimate happiness.
Make 2019 a year of change, believe that it is possible to have a wonderful relationship. I have seen hundreds of relationships move from despair to a place of great happiness, let the next relationship I help be yours.